he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
