I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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