i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
