I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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