Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
