i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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