would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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