Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My ass is underappreciated
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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