There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
