Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
