i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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