Me too!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
