the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
