Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
