the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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