I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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