Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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