why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
