his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
