we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
