Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
