apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
