I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
