Grow some girl-balls and come out already
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
