when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
