hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There's always time for handjobs
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
