tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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