Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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