He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
