vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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