well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
