I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
