just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
