whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
