Did you just see the Batmobile???
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
