Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
