My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
