So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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