Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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