my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
