By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
