its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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