I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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