sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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