Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
