he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Is it penis luge time yet?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
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