opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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