I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
