I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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