also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
