if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
