there was a trapeze. enough said
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
