I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
