I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
