glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
