Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
