I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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