Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
